Dating apps may have revolutionized the way we meet people, but they’ve also left many singles feeling burnt out, disconnected, and overwhelmed, especially those navigating cross-cultural relationships. Alysia Tofflemire, a Canadian expat and Germany’s first certified matchmaker, offers an intentional, values-driven alternative through her Berlin-based boutique agency, Alto Matchmaking.

Sigrid
Alysia, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Alysia
Thank you for having me back! It was such a fun conversation last time, and I’m excited to talk more about myself and everyone’s favorite—or maybe least favorite—topic: dating in Berlin. I’m originally from Canada but have lived here almost 20 years. Most recently, I founded Alto Matchmaking, a boutique, old-fashioned matchmaking service aimed at people with an international mindset—expats or anyone interested in culture and life abroad.

Sigrid
Before we started recording, you mentioned you feel so settled here you might as well be German. What parts of German culture do you appreciate most?

Alysia
I genuinely love following rules now. I really appreciate the structure here. Sure, sometimes it’s frustrating—like when you make one tiny mistake on a form and have to start over—but overall, it’s satisfying to rely on that structure. It gives you a sense of order and reliability.

Sigrid
Has that helped you with launching your own business here?

Alysia
Definitely. Before this, I ran a nonprofit for six years in Germany, so I was already familiar with the landscape. But founding a matchmaking company had its own challenges. For example, matchmaking is regulated by the government here, so I had to submit extra paperwork like certificates of conduct. That’s good though—you want to be sure everyone’s legit, right? There’s always something new to learn about finance or local ordinances, but so far, so good. (Whispers) Knock on wood.

Alto isn’t your typical dating service. Alysia explains how her process works and who it’s really for.

Sigrid
Before we dive deep into matchmaking, tell us a little about yourself and Alto.

Alysia
Sure! My background is diverse—I was a lobbyist in Brussels before nonprofit leadership, and throughout my career, I realized I love connecting people and creating meaningful partnerships. Last year, after some personal time off, I realized matchmaking was the perfect way to channel that. When I researched the market, I found that the matchmaking industry in Germany could use some modernization. So I created Alto to reflect my values—being empathetic, understanding people deeply, and bridging cultural gaps.

Sigrid
So, if I sign up with Alto, what should I expect?

Alysia
Well, unlike the dramatic “Jewish Matchmaker” or “Millionaire Matchmaker” TV shows, my service is nothing like that. I never pressure anyone. I work with people who are burnt out from endless swiping—that exhausting cycle of dating apps with little payoff—or those who simply don’t have time because of work or caregiving. It’s also great for people coming back to dating after divorce or loss.

There are two ways to get involved. First, you can join my database of singles—this is free and open to anyone interested in being matched with clients.

Sigrid
So that’s a free profile where you review potential matches?

Alysia
Exactly. You fill out a private profile, visible only to me and trusted recruiters I work with. Then I thoughtfully match people based on values and personality traits.

Sigrid
And the other way?

Alysia
The second option is a one-on-one client relationship. This is for people who want to outsource their dating life completely. They tell me what they want and what matters to them, and I take it from there—finding matches, arranging introductions, setting up dates. I even provide feedback afterward. We’ve all had awkward dates where we think, “I wish they’d done this or that,” and it’s my job to diplomatically share that feedback to improve future experiences.

Sigrid
(Laughs) I’ve definitely been there. I love your phrase “burnout from swiping.” It’s so true—there comes a point where you say, “Enough, I don’t want another weird conversation or profile.” This sounds like a fantastic alternative.

Dating can feel like a series of interviews, especially once you’re clear on who you are and what you want. Speaking personally, my biggest challenge is that I’m too German for Mexico and too Mexican for Germany. It’s a tricky cultural in-between. What advice do you have for people balancing multiple cultures in relationships?

Alysia
You’re definitely not alone. Many people who move to a new country experience that cultural blend. The longer you live somewhere, the more you absorb that culture, especially if you have kids. My advice is to really sit down and get introspective about what you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated—try writing down your top three to five values. Reflect on the kind of person who aligns with those values, and be clear about what you’re flexible on. Instead of focusing on whether they’ll get along with your Mexican family or the quirks of a first date, think about core human compatibility.

Navigating first-date conversations can be tricky, especially when you want to go beyond the usual small talk.

Alysia
One of my favorite first-date questions is: “What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on right now?” It’s engaging, gets the other person talking about their passions, and opens up many conversation avenues. It also gives insight into what motivates them, and it naturally invites you to share your passions too.

Sigrid
That’s a wonderful conversation starter. You have a real gift for matchmaking—it’s not an easy job to read people well.

Alysia
I used to think my empathy was a disadvantage, but that was just because I was in the wrong job. Now, I get to put it to good use.

Sigrid
Alto is quite new, right?

Alysia
Yes, just about six weeks old. The response so far has been really positive, which is so encouraging.

A lot of people say that Berlin is one of the loneliest cities in the world. Add to that being an expat—juggling new languages, cultures, and expectations—and finding meaningful connection can feel even more daunting. So what does it take to date successfully here?

Alysia
I focus on expats because, on top of Berlin being a notoriously difficult city to find love in, you have a different layer of challenge when you’re an expat, because oftentimes you’re facing culture shocks and language barriers. Not everyone appreciates German structure the way I do! For example, an American might be surprised when a German date suggests just coffee and a walk instead of dinner. That can be a big cultural mismatch. Part of what I do is help clients navigate those differences in the context of dating.

Sigrid
I keep hearing from Latin American women that splitting the bill on a first date is a common issue.

Alysia
I get that. Being North American myself, I sometimes agree with that personally, but culturally it’s different here. The key is to have an open mind and communicate what matters to you upfront to avoid misunderstandings.

Sigrid
For many who come from outside Europe—speaking as a Latina—it can feel weird to say no or express your needs. In Germany, we’re encouraged to be upfront, which can be amazing but also challenging. Sometimes women want flowers or someone to open the door, but they don’t know how to say it. The same goes for men who might need something specific but aren’t used to expressing it. What advice do you have for people starting out on a first date?

Alysia
Two things: First, I offer a dating strategy session—just an hour where we can talk about any concerns or hesitations you have and practice handling different scenarios, like a mini dating coach. Second, when you’re on the date, it’s okay to communicate your needs softly. For example, you might say, “I had a great time, maybe next time we can split the bill,” and leave it at that. If it’s the right person, they’ll pick up on your cues.

Sigrid
Alysia, thank you so much for joining us today. It’s been a pleasure, and we look forward to hearing about everything happening with Alto and the matchmaking world.

Alysia
Thank you so much for having me!

If you’re tired of endless swiping or want a more thoughtful, values-driven approach to dating, visit altomatchmaking.com to join Alysia’s free database or explore personalized matchmaking services.